I get up in the mornin', and it's the first thing on my brain
The old bowling lane, it's callin' me again.
When I shower, my shampoo smells like rosin and urethane
Like the old bowlin' lane, the cause of all my pain.

I can't hear music on the radio or the voice of my ol' lady, no
The only sound I hear is crashin' pins
It's a sin
I can't even begin to explain
my obsession with the ol' bowlin' lane

Well, them bowlin' pins are callin', and I'd like to smash 'em all in the face, ooh yeah
But I ain't never had the skill to make a single pin move, and where there used to be a gutter there's a mile deep groove
My approach is reminiscent of a crippled hippopotamus; the balls are all too heavy, and my fingers never fit
Well, I may not get better, but I'm way too dumb to quit, so all you critics can make like the 7 and the 10 and split

'Cause I'm a bowlin' alley idiot (bowlin' alley idiot)
Bowlin' alley idiot, I'm out of control
I become a whole new person with my digits in them holes, singin'
Bowlin' alley idiot, roll, stupid, roll!

Yeah! I got some oversized loafers and a brand new pair of Brunswick gloves, oh yeah
I got a porn mustache, a perm, and pinstripe jumpsuit on; I look just like John Oates and Bozo's illegitimate spawn
But if I wanna go professional, I gotta make 'em all see; gotta stop rollin' like I've got cerebral palsy
'Cause I'll be struttin' to the lane, and then I'll recall that in my frenzy to look fancy, I forgot to get a ball

'Cause I'm a bowlin' alley idiot (bowlin' alley idiot)
Bowlin' alley idiot, I'm outta control
I'm a real unholy roller, Jesus, spare my soul!
'Cause I'm a bowlin' alley idiot…Bass solo!

Bass: Baaaaaaaaaaaaaass!
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaass!
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaass!
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaass!
Baaaaaaaass!
Baaaaaaaass!
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaass!
Kobi: Wasn't that beautiful?
Bass: Shut up!

People say I'm a nut, that I'm stuck in a rut
I got the AMF logo tattooed on my butt
Well, my girl up and left, she said she's sick of me forgetting
It was quarter game night, and I missed my own wedding
Well, I heard that up in heaven, there's a lane the angels like
Where the balls have liquid centers, and the 9s count as strikes

Well, I can't prove this claim, but I believe it all the same
And I get down on my knees, and I pray to every god I can name
Please don't let me scratch this frame

Well, you best have on your riot gear whenever I step up to the lane
Because the ball goes flyin' backwards every third or fourth try, sent twenty people to the hospital, but so far no-one's died
Well, I tried to join a league, but I just got spurned, and then they tried to shove my head into the ball return
So I told 'em tough patootie, I can still have all my fun, I'll start a union, Local Bowling Alley Idiots 401

And we're the bowling alley idiots (bowlin' alley idiot)
Bowlin' alley idiots, we're out of control
I got a shrine to Saint Earl Anthony on my bedroom wall
'Cause I'm a bowlin' alley idiot (Roll that stupid ball!)

I'm a bowlin' alley idiot! (bowlin' alley idiot)
I'm a bowlin' alley idiot! (bowlin' alley idiot)
Bowlin' alley idiot! (bowlin' alley idiot)
Whoo! Sing it with me, now!

B-O-W-L! (bowlin' alley idiot)
B-O-W-L! (you are an idiot)
B-O-W-L! (bowlin' alley idiot)
Idiot for life, yeah!

Hey, don't leave me hangin'!

Thank ya.