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about

It began as a stupid phrase, uttered as part of a caffeine-fueled stream-of-consciousness rant that went absolutely nowhere. Until now. This is a tribute to the legendary indie comedy band, Worm Quartet, with a slight nod to Soggy Potato Chips.

lyrics

When the buttermilk Tuesday beards in your pancakes
Pistol-whips your inner child and calls you a yam
It's a Boston creme terrier pinecone dilemma
By Beelzebub's toenails, I don't like spam!
Nasal gnomes venture through the tungsten pajamas
Distributing hermaphroditic ravioli faucets and
Salad brochures of the cathedral of stupid
How pituitary Floridas infuriate the closet
Cherokee bananas staple cats to a Hyundai
A surgical procedure to become a fudge sundae
Saucy Brits are eating bacon bits with
Caramelized linoleum pickle tits

I have a tuba! It's made of wood! It's useless!
PTHTHPTPTHTPTHTPPPPPPPPPPPPPTHHTTPTHTPHHHTHTHTTTPHTT!!!
PTHTHPTPTHTPTHTPPPPPPPPPPPPPTHHTTPTHTPHHHTHTHTTTPHTT!!!
PTHTHPTPTHTPTHTPPPPPPPPPPPPPTHHTTPTHTPHHHTHTHTTTPHTT!!!

I wanna make an ice cream truck crash!
I want a Teddy Roosevelt mustache!
I wanna get romantic with a Jell-O pudding cup!
I wanna wear a tutu and blow things up!
My butt is made of pencils, my head is all depressed
I just ate a beetle and it tasted like YES!
I tried to write a check to a gumball machine!
My left nipple has a baseball team!
I want a tub of prairie dogs to soak my feet in
I wanna mail my poop to Sweden
I wanna French kiss a tarantula hawk wasp and
Give a pillowcase power of attorney

I have a tuba! It's made of wood! It's useless!
PTHTHPTPTHTPTHTPPPPPPPPPPPPPTHHTTPTHTPHHHTHTHTTTPHTT!!!
PTHTHPTPTHTPTHTPPPPPPPPPPPPPTHHTTPTHTPHHHTHTHTTTPHTT!!!
PTHTHPTPTHTPTHTPPPPPPPPPPPPPTHHTTPTHTPHHHTHTHTTTPHTT!!!

I have an announcement! (Hold on, just a second…)

Assume the arrogant peanut! Glands of the Serengeti! Stewardess, my ginger ale is unionizing! All right, who ate the last Toronto?! Why won't the Goodwill accept my cat litter?! Crossbreeding feral apostrophes with the former cast of Thirtysomething doesn't entitle your ankles to Mitsubishi, no matter how luminously you implode the deacon of pantyhose in a tambourine-fueled stupor with the liturgical end of a sugar-frosted potato hinge! My left nipple also has a library, a Pentecostal church, and two bowling alleys, but still no Fudruckers! What's the deal, guys?!

A Tylenalteration of a caribou meringue
Scooter toot the taco bush and shake that thang
The whimsical gazpacho has sewn itself shut
I accidentally up my butt
A-B-C-D-E-F-Potato
Tom Cruise shampoo and carbonated mayo
Spread it on a taxi cab and bake it for a year
When it comes out, you'll have a monkey onion beer
They told me not to stare! They told me not to stare!
But the Thanksgiving turkey looks exactly like Cher!
Deleted Applebees and methamfetacheese
Gonna W my X right up your Y until it Z's
Bifurcate the synonym and win a burnt fishstick
Get your tuchus off the universe and go ballistic
Stink the unstinkable, pink the unpinkable
Get up on the dance floor and do the unthinkable!

I have a tuba! It's made of wood! It's useless!
PTHTHPTPTHTPTHTPPPPPPPPPPPPPTHHTTPTHTPHHHTHTHTTTPHTT!!!
PTHTHPTPTHTPTHTPPPPPPPPPPPPPTHHTTPTHTPHHHTHTHTTTPHTT!!!
PTHTHPTPTHTPTHTPPPPPPPPPPPPPTHHTTPTHTPHHHTHTHTTTPHTT!!!

Waiter, there's a fly in my catastrophe! Help! I've been bitten by a rabid church! You may be a Gucci tarantula, but I've got Elvis for arms! Can't you go five minutes without being Luxembourg?! Is this piano fudge or ambulatory?! I've invented a flashlight that emits Tony Slattery! The all-seeing fluoridated aphid of eternal self-empackagement doesn't want any of your goddamn cookies! Mom! The lesbian chairs are scissoring again! You bitch! You stole my skateboard! WHOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH BUNDT CAKE!

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