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about

This is an all-vocal ode to the International House of Pancakes, a self-contained universe magically suspended in a perpetual state of breakfast.

lyrics

I'd like to commend the genius who'd
Declared powdered French toast an everyday food
As ranch dressing drizzles from my gaping maw
My heart tingles with what I hope is awe

Awe for the IHOP, IHOP
Breakfast nirvana
Great buttered beyond
Of which I'm so fond
Come to the IHOP
Get stuffed with hash browns and gravy
Sit your ass down and maybe
You'll learn this new song

I might be attractive if I just ate less
Or hadn't attacked and devoured the waitress
While others munch salads to remain petite
I garnish my meat with meat

Down at the IHOP, IHOP
Five kinds of syrup
It'll clog up your chute
But it counts as a fruit
Down at the IHOP
They live to widen your rear end
Your Weight Watchers points, friend
Have all become moot.

(Did you know that every time you bite into a Denver omelette, doused in boysenberry syrup, God kills an aerobics instructor?)

Although "International" is part of its name
Other nations regard it mostly with shame
I lost all my friends. I ate them, you see
But that just leaves more food for me

Down at the IHOP, IHOP
I eat all my meals here
I sleep in the booth
I'm too fat to move
I live at the IHOP
My doctor says within five years
I'll probably die here
Be buried here too

credits

from Grapefruit Teeth: A Compendium of Industrial Dixieland Tone Poems for Fiddle and Fire Hydrant, Chapter 1: Rise of the Hyena People, released June 18, 2012
Parody of the theme from "Flipper". Music by Henry Vars, Lyrics by Kobi LaCroix

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