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about

This is a psychedelic song about hypnosis, paranoia, shadowy underground agencies, and fresh fruit. And possibly drugs, because it kinda sounds like a drug song, doesn't it?

lyrics

We'd like to thank you very much for volunteering for our little mind control excercise
Rest assured that this is all completely legal and your safety will not be compromised
Please direct your attention to the stationary object hanging perfectly still
(Also it doesn't move)
You may experience a slight bit of numbness as it completely robs you of your free will
(Now dance for me, pretty!)

Look directly at the floating polystyrene head of Isaac Newton
Your hands are covered with blood and all your friends are dead, you can't remember what you've done
This is your curse, and it can't be reversed
So you'd better learn to live with it and pray you don't get worse

Spoken:
Eat a gallon of candy corn.
Eat two gallons of candy corn.
Change your name to candy corn.
Sir Rutherford H. Candycorn III!
Pinch off grandmother's trachea with a battery clamp so the demons don't get in.
Replace every CD at your local music store with recordings of your own gastrointestinal noises
Call it the Black-Eyed Peas.


Each afternoon at 3:18 you will have nightmarish visions involving C. Everett Koop
(And a misplaced banana)
You will dine with the crowned heads of Europe and tell them all their hair smells like cat poop
(Keep it classy)
When you apply for a loan at the bank, you'll only wear a bright magenta thong
(And Kabuki makeup)
And when you hear the chorus of Hey Jude, you'll feel compelled to sing along
(In a gumby voice)

Look directly at the floating polystyrene head, and your brain is frozen
Next thing you know you're shoving jalapeños up your nose and trying to lick the postman
This is why you're not invited to parties, and why your credit rating's a mess
It's why you lost custody of your kids when you showed up to court in your daughter's prom dress

You may believe you're lying in a field of poppies, eating jellybeans
But you'll wake up naked in a Greyhound station in Detroit, trying to mate with the Coke machine
(That's just wrong)
Don't believe your eyes or your ears, because your eyes and ears are made out of toothpaste
(Minty freshness!)
And every time you try to pleasure yourself, you'll end up visualizing Ed Asner's "oh" face.
(Wait, don't stop)

Look directly at the floating polystyrene head of Salman Rushdie
Why did I say that? I bet you don't even know who he is. Your ignorance disgusts me.

Look directly at the floating polystyrene head hovering in the darkness
Contemplate on the innate meaninglessness of life while I raid your apartment

credits

from Grapefruit Teeth: A Compendium of Industrial Dixieland Tone Poems for Fiddle and Fire Hydrant, Chapter 1: Rise of the Hyena People, released June 18, 2012
Music and Lyrics by Kobi LaCroix

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