Warning: The song you are about to hear contains a potentially unsafe amount of awesome. Worthless losers are advised to leave the room and go watch Wheel of Fortune or something. For the rest of you, this is a funk-injected song about the manliest thing in the universe, right after bacon-flavored dynamite.
lyrics
You may have grappled with the handlebar, you may have taken out the Fu Manchu
But they don't come within a mile of the carpeted smile that I wear
Rugged as a bear on an ATV, and like a hedge impeccably pruned
Oozin' unmistakable butchness out of every hair
Got a Tom Selleck mammoth sittin' on my lip
Like a freaky fuzzy fully loaded battleship
Shootin' sex torpedoes that'll make your foundation shake
Girl, there ain't nothin' you can push that my manular bush can't take
So baby won't you brush up your body against all the lovin' of my facial hair?
Take advantage of your sense of touch when it's too dark to see
Baby don't nothin' get too intense for all the lovin' of my facial hair
Let's get freaky follicly
Get that razor away from me!
Allow me to explain in further detail…
When you're lonely and you're feelin' cold, don't you know I'll be there in a flash
I'll be comin' straight and true and all you have to do is whistle
And I'll know just where you are, 'cause I got sonar and GPS installed in my mustache
And I will wrap you and protect you in a forest of my manly bristle
I'm always ready for the day 'cause while I'm takin' a snooze
My beard is up and makin' coffee readin' Yahoo! News
Usin' volumizin' lotion so it's thick enough to stick things in
How many guys you know play tennis with a racket stickin' out of their chin?
So baby won't you brush up your body against all the lovin' of my facial hair?
Take a ride across the prairie that's the hairiest that hairy can be
Baby nothin' in the world gets too intense for all the lovin' of my facial hair
Let's go frolic follicly
Now, let's change the key.
Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, and Saddam Hussein
They're all burnin' in hell, but their 'staches all went to heaven
And then I heard they shaved off Einstein's and saved it along with his genius brain
Now it belongs to a Pakistani cashier at 7-11
And my beard keeps growin' like a bumper crop
If it was slightly longer I could play for ZZ Top
My eyebrows won Pulitzers and my sideburns both have PhD's
I'm afraid my facial hair might be a tiny smidgen smarter than me
So baby won't you brush up your body against all the lovin' of my facial hair?
Take advantage of your sense of touch when it's too dark to see
Baby don't nothin' get too intense for all the lovin' of my facial hair
Let's get freaky follicly.
So much music! So much fun music! And the guest stars are fun, whether they're singing or not. And Ian got Chris Ballew to sing along on a parody of a PUSA song! Eclectic Lee
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Awesome track! I also love the "tribute" at the end to that old D&D audio, genius!
This is going to be the opener for the next session for my group. Landstrider